By: James E. Maddux, Ph.D, CWB Senior Scholar, University Professor Emeritus, and former director of Mason’s Clinical Psychology doctoral program
“Kindness begins with the understanding that we all struggle.” – Charles Glassman, physician and author
What does it mean to be kind? Kindness means different things to different people, but most definitions agree with the Ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle that kindness is the act of being helpful toward someone in need without wanting or expecting anything in return, nor as way of gaining advantage over another person. Kindness is driven by compassion and concern for others. It has no hidden agenda. Being kind is not quite the same as being “nice.” Nice people are polite and courteous. Kind people go a little bit out of their way to help others and make them feel good, even if only in very small ways.
Is there a connection between kindness and happiness? Yes. It should come as no surprise to learn that happier people are kinder people. Of course, it’s easy to be kind when our lives are going well and our sense of well-being is strong. The challenge is being kind when the road of life gets bumpy and things do not seem to be going our way. Ironically, that’s the time when being kind to others will be of greatest benefit to ourselves – because expressions of kindness, like expressions of gratitude, benefit the bestower as much as they benefit the bestowed upon. Acts of kindness are good for us. Being kind makes us happier. One study found that people who intentionally performed acts of kindness for 10 days reported greater life satisfaction. Another study found that simply counting their acts of kindness for a week increased people’s subjective well-being, possibly because monitoring our behavior leads to greater awareness of it. Finally, another study found that it didn’t matter what acts of kindness people performed or toward whom they acted kind – loved ones, friends, acquaintances, strangers, or even themselves. The effect on subjective well-being was the same.
Here’s an easy activity to try for the next week: Simply count your acts of kindness toward other people. Even better, write them down if you have a chance, or at the end of the day try to recall your acts of kindness toward other people. Research suggests that you will feel better as a result – not to mention the number of people who will feel better because of your kindness.
Doing this may take a little courage for some. I often think that some people fear that others may view their kindness as a sign of weakness and try to take advantage of them. I often think that many leaders of nations think the same. But citizens and political leaders around the world would do well to keep in mind what President Franklin Roosevelt once said: “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” Nor do you.
Don’t just hope for a kinder nation and world, but work to achieve it – word by word, deed by deed, day by day. As the Dalai Lama said, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
Additional Resources
- Learn how our well-being university is implementing kindness through Mason Chooses Kindness.
- Learn more about the science of well-being in these columns by James Maddux and his colleagues.
- Phillips, A., & Taylor, B. (2009). On Kindness. London. Penguin Books
- 10 Incredible Acts of Kindness Caught on Camera – YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vahi77oOsK4
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