By: Malik Merritte, Well-Being Program Specialist, Center for the Advancement of Well-Being
Self-compassion is the practice of treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding we would offer a dear friend. We acknowledge that we’re worthy of kindness despite our struggles and setbacks, which are universal parts of the human experience. When we embrace this mindset, we create fertile ground in our lives for gratitude to grow. We recognize the growth we’ve achieved rather than fixating on where we’ve fallen short. By being kind to ourselves, we make it easier to appreciate our entire well-being journey. Here is how self-compassion can unlock gratitude in our lives.
The Science Behind the Connection
Self-compassion is a powerful tool for emotional regulation. Research shows that self-compassion acts as a protective factor against distress, boosts resilience, and has a strong positive relationship with overall well-being. When paired with gratitude, its effects are amplified.
These two well-being practices create a virtuous cycle. Gratitude helps us notice the good in our lives, and self-compassion allows us to feel worthy of that goodness. Recent studies highlight this synergy. This meta-analysis published by the National Institutes of Health highlights connections between gratitude and self-compassion from 64 different randomized clinical trials. Also, this research study published by Nature.com shows how college students experienced well-being effects from practicing both gratitude and self-compassion during the Covid-19 pandemic.
By soothing our inner critic, self-compassion makes it safe to be vulnerable, to acknowledge our struggles, and to be genuinely thankful for our strengths and supports without feeling like we don’t deserve them.
Anchors in Uncertain Times
Gratitude and self-compassion can serve as anchors in uncertain times. Practicing gratitude helps us remember the resources, relationships, and strengths that have supported us in the past, fostering stability when the future feels unclear. Self-compassion, on the other hand, allows us to meet uncertainty with kindness instead of criticism, creating space for patience and openness as life unfolds. Together, they build trust in our ability to handle the unknown, even without a clear roadmap.
While gratitude is often tied to the past or present, it can also extend to the future. Being thankful for opportunities and possibilities yet to come fostering optimism and hope. Whether it’s anticipation for personal goals, belief in our ability to overcome challenges, or confidence in the support of our community, forward-looking gratitude encourages resilience and inspires action toward turning possibilities into realities.
Practices to Cultivate Both Gratitude and Self-Compassion
We can strengthen our emotional well-being through small, consistent practices that build both gratitude and self-compassion. Here are some practices to try:
- Reflective journaling: At the end of each day, we can write down not only three things we are grateful for, but also one way we were kind to ourselves. Did we take a needed break? Forgive ourselves for a mistake? Acknowledge a difficult emotion without judgment?
- Compassionate gratitude letters: Writing gratitude letters – to others or even to our future selves – gives us a tangible reminder of appreciation that we can revisit during challenging times. We may be thankful for perseverance, for the quiet victories no one else may have seen, and for ways we’ve grown despite challenges, and more.
- Mindful breathing: When we feel overwhelmed, we can anchor ourselves with our breath. On the inhale, we can acknowledge a feeling of gratitude for our inner strength. On the exhale, we can offer ourselves a brief compassionate phrase, such as, “I can manage this situation right now.”
- Celebrating strengths and progress: It’s also helpful to review our personal growth and acknowledge our strengths. Instead of focusing on a to-do list, we can create a “have-done” list to recognize how far we’ve come.
When we consistently nurture these practices, we reinforce the belief that we are just as worthy of compassion as those around us. This creates a balanced mindset that’s good for our well-being.
Building a More Compassionate World
When we cultivate both inward and outward compassion, we do more than improve our own well-being – we contribute to a healthier, more empathetic community. In a campus setting, these practices encourage a culture where people feel seen, supported, and valued. By extending gratitude and compassion to our peers, families, and colleagues, we help create an environment where kindness is common.
Gratitude is more than a feeling; it’s a practice. When we pair gratitude with self-compassion, it becomes a powerful and sustainable foundation for us to grow our well-being.
Additional Resources
- This Thriving Together Series article shows how self-compassion can relieve stress in your life.
- The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley offers many free resources related to both gratitude and compassion.
- Kristin Neff is a leading researcher in the field of self-compassion. Her website at self-compassion.org offers many free resources, including those that relate to self-compassion and gratitude.
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