By: Mak Estill, Learning Strategist/Learning Coach, Mason Autism Support Initiative (MASI)/Executive Functioning Program (EFP), Office of Disability Services, and Anxiety Coach through her own private practice, Actionable Anxiety, coaching@actionableanxiety.com
“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” – Carl Jung
Have you gone through your life and often felt like something was missing? You may feel like you’re lacking a special spark – some kind of razzle-dazzle vibrancy that you have yet to name. What you need to feel excited and energized from day to day is a life vision. Here’s why developing a life vision is important for your well-being, and how to start developing that vision so you can thrive.
Imagine a Cake with Candles
The sensation of missing a spark in your life is very similar to the following scenario: Imagine you got a packet of big, beautiful sparkler candles. You light them, and they begin to shoot off little sparkle missiles – the classic miniature firework show we all know and love. You are delighted! You then stand one candle upright on the table so you can free up your hands and begin to light the other ones. You quickly learn that trying to stand a sparkler candle upright is rather difficult. It’s almost like trying to stand a pencil upright on its eraser base. But after some exhaustive hand gymnastics, you are able to get the first few candles to remain standing upright and lit.
Time to light the next one!
However, just when you set the next lit candle on the table, the tiniest vibrations from your movements knock down the other candles, and of course, put out their spark! You are bummed, frustrated, and bewildered. You were being very careful, paying close attention, and trying to take slow calculated movements, but the spark still went out.
So, you try again! And again. And again. But inevitably, the candles fall down and the spark gets blown out.
The key ingredient you need for the candles to stay lit is a cake. You need a squishy, big, well-designed, and decorated cake that feels, looks, and tastes oh-so-perfect to you!
I call this the toppling candles phenomenon. It’s the oh-so-common, and oh-so-unnecessary source of suffering many of us embody and carry around with us throughout the seasons of our lives.
- The spark is what you seek in your day-to-day life. It is often some amalgamation of sustained happiness, harmony, safety, joy, vibrancy, health, peace, and comfort.
- The stem of the candles is your years of exhaustive attempts and actions to obtain, support, and sustain the spark.
- The cake is the missing foundation that you’ve desperately needed – the life vision – which anchors, softens, directs, aligns, and enlivens all your efforts.
- The toppling candles phenomena of being bummed, frustrated, and bewildered is the lived experience of operating without a life vision (without a cake). It’s an experience that often yields heightened states of anxiety, depression, uncertainty, and fatigue.
If, moving forward, you were to take just one action to strengthen your well-being, developing a life vision will be the most effective action you can take.
Choosing to design the cake will make all your future actions a lot less exhaustive. Designing your cake involves creating a clear, cohesive, and personal vision that feels absolutely delicious and in alignment with the deepest parts of you. You’ll begin, naturally, to not have to try hard at life. The results and outcomes of your actions will begin to feel a lot less disappointing. You will begin to experience an increase in energy, purpose, clarity, cognitive attention, and balance within your nervous system functioning. That can lead you to more desired results than I can list, because the potential is endless.
That’s called success. It’s also called science. Dr. Richard Boyatzis, a professor at Case Western Reserve University, developed the Intentional Change Theory. He curated that theory from the longest-standing, peer-reviewed, collaborative, longitudinal research on how we as humans manifest sustained and desired change in our lives. That all can be distilled down to one quintessential, get-the-most-bang-for-your-buck ingredient: a life vision.
It is truly worth investing the time and serious consideration into creating, and working with, a life vision!
In coaching, we spend the entirety of our time engaging with a life vision, because it matters so much. I actually have my clients perform a little ritual at the beginning of every session, to ensure that they are continuing to engage with their visions as time moves on – and to encourage them to always be keeping their vision in mind as new weekly decisions, demands, and distractions inevitably come their way.
You don’t seriously want to suffer from the toppling candles phenomenon forever, do you? Let’s get to work, you got the rest of your life coming up!
How to Start Developing Your Life Vision
The science has spoken, and the fastest way you are going to create and protect a sustained spark is:
- Accept that a personal vision is the quintessence of desired, meaningful, and sustained life change.
- Begin crafting a personal vision, now, in one to five sentences – no more, no less. This needs to be a vision statement that you can eventually memorize, and remember on the go, in real-time, so you can put it into action as you move through your busy days. Don’t worry, your vision will go through many iterations in the immediate future (and throughout your life), so for now, let’s get a one to five-sentence sloppy draft going. Toil and play with your draft until you’ve got something on paper that feels really good to you, or at least “good enough for now”, even if it’s not perfect. Then begin to play with it in action. Don’t let perfectionism in the curation process stand in the way of you starting to utilize your vision work.
- Consider how this draft of your life vision can motivate you to take future actions. Keep in mind that this involves a life practice, not a perfect performance. Learning how to tether all your actions to your life vision, consistently and unapologetically, is a skill that takes time!
- Observe, learn, pivot, revisit, and iterate. Your life vision is a living, breathing statement of your own creation. It can grow along with you.
So, create the cake that will serve as the foundation to light the candles in your life. Let it keep growing in creative ways throughout your life. Then you’ll enjoy that special spark each day and be able to thrive!
Additional Resources
- Coach Mak would love to help you craft, refine, and advance your life vision. Don’t hesitate to reach out for free assistance or support. She comes to campus twice a week and would be happy to meet for a coffee and talk about vision work. Or, for some accountability, feel free to send Mak an email and share your drafted vision.
- Learn more about the Intentional Change Theory, developed by Richard Boyatzis with Case Western Reserve University, in the book Helping People Change: Coaching with Compassion for Lifelong Learning and Growth
- Read the Thrive Global.com article “Why is Vision Important?”
- Read the Forbes.com article “How to Craft Your Life Vision”
- Enjoy the Greater Good Science Center’s mindfulness meditation to inspire a sense of purpose
Write one of these Thriving Together Series features! We’re looking for contributions on all topics related to well-being. Read other Thriving Together Series articles here and contact us at cwb@gmu.edu for guidelines. Thank you for helping our Mason community thrive together online!
